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Do you remember the very first time you tasted beer or any liquor for that matter? The foul smell, and the bitter taste, or the burning sensation in the throat? Do you remember your very first hangover? Or the very first time you puked your insides all over yourself? Or worse, on someone else?
It is nothing but a hazy memory for you now, isn’t it? But like the rest of the world, you have promised yourself never to drink again, cursed yourself back to sleep, and then a few days (or weeks) after, you found yourself in the same predicament all over again.
Eventually, you will find that drowning your kidneys with alcohol, and slowly killing it in the process, is a great hobby, and you start to believe that you really are just enjoying life. Or, are you really?
Before anything else, let me make it clear that writing about drinking when I can drink heavily isn’t hypocritical. As a witness to the many episodes and proceedings during liquor bingeing sessions, I would have to say that I have the right to write about it. And so now, I am. (Writing, I mean, not drinking.)
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| TEQUILA AND JAGGER BOMBS, DISTILLERY EASTWOOD |
Let me tell you all about it.
The Bored. The Bored are the drinkers who drink because they are, well, (obviously) BORED. They text, call, Facebook chat, put up a Facebook status, and go through great lengths to just say they are bored and would want to invite people for a drinking spree. But the bored are obviously the most boring people to drink with. Because they’re bored, they just sit, drink, and seek for entertainment. They don’t really provide any entertainment themselves. In short, they too are boring.
The Socialite. Or as I would call them, the-pretentious-bitches-or-bastards-who-believe-that-they-can-handle-liquor! Whew! All they do is just hold a bottle of whatever. San Miguel Light, Vodka Cruiser, or a Coke in Can! They’re just there to expand their social circle and add you on Facebook as a friend. Idiots.
The Lonely. This is a sad case of drinking that may often lead to serious addiction to alcohol. They may or may not have many friends but still feel alone. Liquor is their only friend. Hopefully, they don’t cut themselves during your drinking session. Beware of the lonely, they tend to be clingy like a psycho-bitch girlfriend from hell.
The Angry. Have you ever seen someone who starts throwing his fists in the air in slow motion for whatever reason, after a glass of rhum-coke? I have. It is not a pretty sight. Ditch this dude and move to another bar. Seriously.
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| THE GREAT ROY PARKER, EASTWOOD |
The Alcoholics. These guys, if they even have some sense left in their heads, only skip drinking on Tuesdays and Wednesday. Their weekends start on Thursdays and end on Mondays. They can handle any kind of liquor in high dosages. And when it’s free, they never ever get drunk. Some alcoholics who have it bad, sleep on the floor, use the fridge as their air-conditioner, pee on your living room, make out with you and imply you’re a slut, leave you in the middle of the drinking session to go find another set of drunkards to drink with, and the list can go on forever. These people are my favorite kind to hang out with. Because they are so pathetic they make me feel good about myself.
The Frustrated Actors. No, I am no talking about the Coco-Martin-Looking kind of frustrated actors. I am talking about the kind who are capable of laughing, weeping, getting angry, wild, and then finally bawling themselves to sleep for having been an embarrassment to society, all in one drinking session. How more diversified could you get than that?
The Sexually Addicted Collosal Asshat. Ooooooh! The feisty ones. The one who think he/she is so good looking when drunk. The person who pounces on the opposite sex even when they’re not really drunk yet just because they are in a desperate state of libido. They become a hunter, pouncing on the next available victim they see. They average one victim a week, and they know all the tricks in fornication. ALL OF IT. Which brings me to a good point that this bunch do not really get into a state of alcohol high. Fact, if you get too drunk, you will be too tired to even dry hump anything. Fact, the male thingies hardly do anything when a person is fucked up shittered with liquor. Fact, they just pretend to be drunk to have an excuse for being a sexually addicted collosal asshat. Beware of this bunch, they can easily make you believe that they are the victim. And now that you know, get effin’ smart!
The Fun Bunch. Oh this is me and my friends. And that is all. Hahaha
The Free-Loaders. The poor people who just show up and be your friend when they want to get fucked up, because they are users, and they don’t have money to support their vices. EVEN WHEN THEY ARE NOT INVITED! To be meaner, THE PEOPLE BELOW POVERTY LINE. If you still don’t get it, buy yourself a mouse brain! Small, but has the same chemical enzymes as the human brain. And I bet it is bigger than yours.
Okay, so I guess you can be one of the above, or all of it. It really depends. For me, drinking and how you respond to your alcohol levels is still a choice. I am almost all of the time (almost being the operative word), aware of what I am doing when I am out drinking with friends. I only have a few seconds unaccounted for when I am drunk, and I am usually in the company of people I trust when I am.
But I left that life a long time ago, because liquor is chauvinist! Do you know that an average man can handle 21 units of alcohol while an average woman can only handle 14?! Unbelievable! Good thing I am not your average woman. In fact, I highly doubt I am one. Anyway, that’s for another blog entry. For now, I bid you goodbye. Peace and One love!
Life’s a party, drink it! Cheers!
StringedMusic™
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